The Journey

I watched the Showtime special “Letting Go of God,” a 2 1/2 hour monologue by Julie Sweeney where she takes a journey of faith, and subsequently unbelief, in her quest for answers about God.  Raised a Catholic, she began by loving God, by trusting God, by believing bad times were made bearable through the love of God.

Julie attended a year long Bible study at her local parish and came face to face with some insurmountable evidence, for her, that we are not God’s creation, but instead, He is ours, something to help us make sense of our existence, indeed, our presence in this universe.  She concluded after much study and even searching out other religions that God cannot exist, or if He did why would we follow such a God who exacted His own son’s death in order to save flawed man whom He created?

The special was filled with Julie’s own brand of humor, and some of it was laugh out loud funny.  There were other times when her pain was palpable, as she struggled to make sense of the good, the bad and the ugly that is this thing called life.  Toward the end I thought perhaps she was going to come full circle, and finish by reconciling herself to God.

We have all questioned, if not the existence of God, at least the fundamental question of why bad things happen to good people.  I answer this by saying we are born into a world dominated by sin, and that sin colors everything around it, like washing a red sweater with white linens.  But then, I believe–I have always believed, and I always will believe in God.  I have not always followed, but I have always believed and am convinced I will leave this world tenaciously clinging to this faith I have held so dear.

Where the Bible does not make sense, I lay down the cloak of faith and walk right across the muddiness of what appears to be illogic or at least incontinuity.  Where God’s wrath seems to overshadow His love, I wrap myself in the blanket of hope, knowing that what I do not understand now will ultimately be made known to me.

I wrote the poem, “The Journey,” this morning and am posting it here today in lieu of my daily Bible reading.  Not that I won’t read the Bible today–I almost certainly will.  But then again, it is faith that drives me onward, and faith will ultimately lead me home.

The Journey

Written after watching “Letting Go of God”, a monologue by Julie Sweeney,

Stumbling through the darkness
of confusion,
tumbling into the light of reason
she questioned everything
she had been raised to believe.
She loved God, always had
but science taught
her to look elsewhere for answers
and no one told her some puzzles
have no ready solutions.
So she slipped silently
from her raft
of  faith and into the blue-black
waters of the intellect, where
faith takes a back seat to logic.
She turned her back on the God
of her father,
and set out on a journey of
self-actualization, a pilgrimmage
she continues to this day.
She still uses phrases like,
“Thank God,” although
more out of habit than belief.
She teaches her child we are each
some cosmic accident
and that is sad, I think,
but I believe
that children have the knowledge
of God even before they have reason
to believe, or the ability to reason.
I pray that she will find
her way, that God
will intervene some day
and she will return to that
first love a child has for her Father.
For the first love is
the best love,
and we should not be detoured
on the pathway to righteousness,
not by science, nor reason, nor anything.


  1. Tiger Woods scandal is really all about black men and white women

    • Hi, there–a little confused about how your comment relates to “The Journey.” In regards to your comment, the scandal certainly could be about black men and white women, or it could be about a man, perceived as a hero, who has human failings, not as bad a some, but much worse than others. But I think sin is sin in God’s sight, and we pray that Tiger comes to the point where he asks forgiveness from God, and then turns his life around. He has a hard road ahead of him and he and his family need our prayers.

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